The Day I Became a Trillionaire

The last time I remember the market being so unstable was during the tech melt down prior to 9/11. Stocks like Microsoft, IBM, and Dell hit the skids so bad; you’d think they had a drug or alcohol problem. Just too hot, too long, and voila, the nature of the market, it cooled down fast. In fact, it went into a deep freeze.

It was around this time, that I got in the habit of checking my 401K balances—daily. I would call up and using my magic PIN number access my retirement account.

Good thing too--our fund manager, while a household name, even the name of a mega bank, had not mastered managing 401K accounts. One time I called and my balance was $1.95. I knew that was not right . When I asked our HR manager what was up with that, he replied just be patient they are working the kinks out of their telephone system.

A few days later, I called again to get my balance and was given a different kind of shock. There was over a trillion dollars in my retirement fund. What made it even more amazing, was in its computer geek voice, it said, “you have 1 trillion, 340 million, 143 thousand, and 243 dollars and 52 cents.” We are talking some serious money.

I ran around the office and cornered one of cmy retirement plan cohorts and screamed, “There is over a trillion dollars in my retirement account.”

“What?” She screamed back across the cafeteria as she got her second cup of green tea. “You have how much in your account, what?!!!”

After I explained, she replied, “Sell!”

The next day the problem was resolved, and the right amount appeared to be in my account which was somewhere between $1.95 and a trillion dollars.

Oh what I could do with that money!